Self Care Tips after a Miscarriage

I’ve partnered with the Vaseline team to share my recent experience, including self-care tips, after you have a miscarriage and how to get through it. There is no easy way to get through a miscarriage, but hopefully, my experience and tips will help someone who is going through the process of coping with the loss of their tiny ray of sunshine. 

Self Care Tips after a Miscarriage

The title of this post is still a little surprising to me, right? Yup, it still shocks me too. However, it is now an experience I’ve had on this journey called life. And it has made me appreciate our children, my husband, as well as close friends and family so much more.

You may be asking yourself…

“When did I miss the pregnancy announcement?” Our announcement was supposed to come at the end of January, as well as my story about the shocking revelation on an unplanned pregnancy.

However, all that ended on January 10th. I woke up that morning in my hotel room and felt something wasn’t right. Pulling the blankets back, I looked down, and I could see a small pool of blood on the white hotel sheets. “Oh,” was my first thought. As I rushed into the bathroom, fear and panic started to rise within me. Turning on the shower, I stepped in and stood there, crying as I lost my baby. Eventually, I pulled myself together and all alone drove the 90 minutes home to my husband and doctor. 

Good news has gone sour…

After getting myself cleaned up once again, we made our way to the emergency room. Against all the odds, I was still holding on to the hope that maybe this wasn’t a sign of the end. When I was pregnant with the twins (14 years ago), I started to have concerns about a possible miscarriage (at 4-5 weeks), and my husband and I went to the hospital to get checked. During the ultrasound is when I discovered there were two babies in there. 

However, this time it didn’t turn into a happy ending…

After so much agony,  laying there and experiencing incredible cramps and contractions for several hours, blood work, multiple tests, an ultrasound,  we were finally given the bad news. Our baby didn’t make it. I was sent home with instructions to rest and follow-up with my OBGYN. The next few days were a bit surreal. I felt like all of this couldn’t be happening to me, to us, and our family. It was both psychologically and physically painful experience. As I laid in my bed, between crying and having unbelievable contractions, I quietly said a prayer for all the women and families who’ve had to go through this journey time and time again. 

We had shared the news

A few weeks earlier told a few close friends and some family members the good news concerning our pregnancy. Even now, I still don’t regret sharing our happy little news. We were all shocked, then excited. Two out of three of our boys were ecstatic. But eventually, our lone dissenter even started to warm up to the idea of having the pitter-patter of little feet running around the house.  We were all hoping for a girl. I am the only female in a houseful of testosterone, so a little female companionship would have been fantastic. The past couple of years has been rough. Between losing my parents, Derrick losing his Mom, we were all excited about the possibilities of a new life, a fresh start. 

Beating myself up

I laid in my bed wondering, WHY? HOW? Is this happening to me? It didn’t seem fair. I had to go through the unpleasant experience of so much pain, contractions, and eventually passing my baby, only to never hold him or her. To never even see their tiny face or give them a name. Ever?!

The fragility of overthinking

With so much time on my hands, I started to read and do a little research as to why miscarriages happen to women. 

Miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy in the first 20 weeks. (In medical articles, you may see the term “spontaneous abortion” used in place of miscarriage.) About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and more than 80 percent of these losses happen before 12 weeks. {source}

Although I didn’t find a specific answer (there are many), I found hope and support. It is my hope these tips that helped me (and others) will help you go through this experience and come out on the other side with the seeds of healing and the beginning of finding your peace. 

Support. I wouldn’t have made it without my support system. My support circle consists of a few people: my faith, my husband, my friends, and my family. Every person going through the loss of their baby needs a stable and loving support system. I am thankful to have a doting and caring husband. While lying in bed, not only did he care for me, but he took care of everything else. I didn’t have to worry about getting up for anything. My friends regularly checked in on me, asking if there was anything they could do. They sent encouraging messages and sweet treats. 

We had shared the initial good news with the boys. Having to break the sad news to them about what happened was heartbreakingly difficult. They were so disappointed, but little Zayd’n, who is the epitome of positivity, innocently encouraged us to try again! {gotta love that kid!}

Your support system may also come in the form of online groups and friends. I was able to find a few support groups on social media channels dedicated to miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and stillbirth. In these groups, I was able to ask questions and draw upon other women’s strengths and experiences to help guide me through this rocky process. I was amazed by how so many women in these groups have gone down this road before and numerous times. Their family and doctors have warned them that a full-term pregnancy may never happen. They were given explanations.

Nevertheless, they are persistent.  I encourage you to reach out and find those support groups online. You may also be fortunate enough to find one in your local community. 

Start journaling. Going through this experience leaves you with so many emotions simultaneously. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I was scared, angry, sad, disappointed, and hopeful all at the same time. I would cry. Then laugh. Then cry some more. Then go numb and feel nothing. I started to write down how I felt. Getting those feelings out on paper was therapeutic for me. I strongly encourage you to spend time journaling. To heal, it is essential to find ways to vent and to distract your mind. We have to find ways to get those feelings out of us. The last thing you want to do is bury your thoughts and feelings. This only causes you to hold grudges, which could eventually affect your physical and mental health. 

Music. Listening to music, especially soothing and inspirational sounds, was a great comfort through this experience. I listened to songs that spoke of hope, holding on, and getting through hard times. 

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.-Flavia Weedn

Ice Cream and Food. Food is good for the soul. Good food has always been a way for me to find comfort. Yes, I know it’s a fleeting kind of pleasure, but darn it does it taste good.  Plus, it’s important to make sure you’re eating food filled with quality protein and much-needed nutrients. As your body is healing from the shock to the system that losing a baby can be, you need healthy food to help keep up your strength and to fortify and bolster your immune system. Also, make sure to drink plenty of clean filtered water. Ice Cream or Gelato is an awesome sweet treat to help you take your mind off of what’s going on and focus on something cold and delicious. 

Healing lotion. As I mentioned above, your body is going through a lot of changes. I noticed my skin was dehydrated, and my feet and hands were always cold. Vaseline® Intensive Care™ Essential Healing Lotion leaves your skin deeply moisturized and looking noticeably healthier. I used Vaseline® Essential to help moisturize my dry skin, and my husband used it to give me much need massages. 

There is also something to using lotion, oils, and other aromatherapy products that are soothing to your soul. 

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. – Psalms 147:3

Entertainment. Going through a miscarriage leaves you feeling broken and alone. You want to be mad at the world for moving on without you, having fun when they should be sad, and not caring that you just lost something valuable and dear to your heart. Find something fun to do. For a few days, I couldn’t move from the bed (due to the pain and my body naturally getting rid of and expelling what is no longer needed). I spent time reading, playing games on my iPad, and looking for ways to entertain myself. Zayd’n was also a great source of entertainment. He would come to my bedroom and keep me company, telling me about what Dad was doing, his day at school, or about one of his video games. One book I highly recommend, which will have you laughing till your cry for no good reason, is I’m Judging You, craftily written by Luvvie Ajayi. What a great book!

Meditation and reflection. Spend time meditating. When I first started doing this, I was angry. I wanted to question why this happened to me. Didn’t I deserve to finally have a few happy moments in my life? After a while, I started to think about how my life is already blessed with a lot of great things. I have three healthy boys, an awesome husband who has been there every step of the way, beautiful friends, family, doing something I love as a career, and more. I also spent time praying, asking for peace about this situation. 

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Other ways you can help and support through this process:

• Therapy. It may come to the point that you can’t pick yourself up, and that’s okay. Reach out and find a professional who may be able to help you find your way. 
• Travel. Sometimes you need to just get up and away from your everyday surroundings. Plan a weekend getaway by yourself, or with a significant other, or friends. You can find many ideas in our travel section. 
• Retail therapy always puts a smile on my face. Even if the smile is temporary, it gets me up and out of the house. 
• Start a hobby, join a gym, go for a walk. These are all ways to help you get up and start moving.
• Draw inspiration from things and people around you. 

My biggest problem with this experience was finding a reason to get up. Yes, I have three healthy children, a job, a husband, and all that, but I felt sad. I’m already battling and suffering from depression; this situation was enough to bring me down again. However, I used all of the support tools I listed above to help me find a way to get myself going after losing my baby. 

Will you ever be the same? No. A piece of you dies when you lose your baby; however, after the storm is over, the sun will shine.