Celebrating 47 Years: Marriage Lessons From My Parents

In honor of my parents 47th anniversary, I’m sharing marriage lessons and tips I learned from watching their marriage over the years. Come, talk a walk with me down memory lane… 

Celebrating 47 Years: Marriage Lessons From My Parents

Today was my parents 47th anniversary.  These days, being married to the same person for any stretch of time is becoming increasingly rare. If I have learned anything from watching my parents throughout the years, I can say they did it all the way until death. 

My Mom passed in the spring of 2014. My Dad passed earlier this year, in the spring. Exactly two months, two years apart. 

My parents met in Detroit in 1968 through a mutual friend and were married the next year in 1969.  At my Mom’s funeral, I remember my Dad speaking proudly about his wife. He said, (and I’m paraphrasing), “There were girls out there that you could just wipe your feet all over.” When he said this, he started to pretend to wipe his feet on the ground so people could understand exactly what he meant! lol 

He then went on to say, “But not my Shirley. She was a jewel, one to respect, honor, and love”. 

Growing up, I didn’t think about my parents’ marriage much. I saw my parents as two hard-working individuals. My Mom was a High School Teacher. My Dad, a small business owner. I’ve talked about my Dad quite about on the blog, and why he is my hero.  I have also shared some of the life lessons my Dad instilled in me. It’s been hard to talk about my Mom because it hurts. I’ve started on ideas, but couldn’t finish because of the tears rolling down my face, leaving me feeling hopeless and depressed. But one day, I will. One day. 

{celebrating their 25th anniversary} 

As I mentioned above, their marriage to me was two people loving each and other and taking care of their kids. They both worked hard to provide us with a middle-class lifestyle. It wasn’t until I became an adult, got married, and learned what give and take really meant, then I understood. I also spent time talking to my parents about married life stuff, and the answers they gave me reminded me of the importance of communication in a relationship. 

{ my Grandma (mom’s mom)}

So, today in honor of their 47th anniversary, I’m sharing a few things I learned from my parents’ marriage. 

There is no set role. My Dad was a stickler about the man being the head of the household, but my Mom was the neck, and she moved that head where it needed it to go. Early on in their marriage my Dad lost his job due to narcolepsy and was not able to hold a regular 9-5. This inspired him to start his own construction company. Most of his work was in the summer, and the income was not consistent. My Dad couldn’t drive so he depended on my Mom to drive him in a truck filled with tools, ladders, and other equipment to the lumber yards, and around town. Many times those ladders were tied to her precious mini-van. My mom would fuss about the ladders scratching up her van, but she would climb inside and drive him wherever he needed to go. During the winter months, my Dad was off work and a full-time house dad. He would be responsible for watching my little brother and helping with housework. Man, there were many days I would come home from school with dirty diapers all around the house, kitchen cabinets wide open, a sink full of dishes, and on and on. My dad wasn’t lazy; he just did things when he was ready to do them. If my parents would have had the mentality of the woman has to stay home, and only the man can work, we would have been in the poorhouse. This example showed me that there is just no set job in a marriage. You pick up the slack wherever you can. Some days you are giving 90%, some days it’s 10%. But, you work at it. Together. 

Their love language was different. My Dad was the affectionate one. He loved to kiss my mom, hug her, basically all hands on deck. My mom was the complete opposite. And yes, you can survive a marriage when you are the complete opposite. You have to find what makes you connect. Apparently, they found ways to connect because four kids are the result of this labor of love. My mom’s love language was in actions. She may not have shown the same type of affection towards my Dad (at least in public), but in her sacrifices of standing by her man even during the tough times showed how much she loved him. Sometimes when I think about the things my Mom had to go through (and I’m not referring to any physical or emotional abuse), it makes me cry. She didn’t get enough credit. When you have a spouse who has a disability, it can be hard. For example, road trips were always on her. She would drive 10-13 hours to take us places, while my Dad was over in the passenger seat sleep. Narcolepsy means you sleep any and everywhere. My Dad has fallen asleep while on a high rooftop, fell off, lived to tell about it, and climbed right back up. My Dad was also messy. Like, messy to the point where if hoarders were around back in the day, we would have signed him up for an intervention. He would find old junk and would bring it home. One time we needed a new toilet. He had an old one from a job and wanted to put in our bathroom. OUR bathroom! Yes, my Dad was full of it at times, but thankfully, my Mom put the kibosh on most of his antics. My Mom suffered some abuse growing up. She never talked about it with us, but we’ve heard bits and pieces from our Grandma. I believe that abuse is why she wasn’t a very outwardly affectionate person. However, my Dad saw right through that and loved her for her. And she loved him right back. My takeaway from this has helped me in my own marriage. Love can be shown in many different ways. You have to find out what works for you and your partner. It’s not going to look like what you see on TV, social media, or from other couples. It’s something you, and only you and you significant other can put together. 

Continue on to part II{click link}